How to be a High Value Woman in the Dating Stages

How to show up as a high value woman? What are the steps to being a high value woman in the dating stage?

When we think about being a high value woman, we should consider that the most important thing is to present with value first.

If we don’t present with value, then how can men realize our value? It’s not so easy, right?

Are our standards the thing that makes us high value?

What a lot of women do is they think that it’s high value to have their own “standards” for what guys “should” do when they’re courting them.

This whole standards thing doesn’t have a whole lot to do with being a high value woman!

If you’d like to understand more about what makes a woman high value in the dating stages, read this article.

Sure, I admit that it can be attractive to some high value men if you are a woman who is strong enough to assert her own boundaries.

However, what a lot of women do is they use their “standards” as a disguise for anger and reactivity.

What I’ve noticed is that a lot of women can be reactive in their responses to the men who are only in the dating stage with them. We must remember that men don’t owe us anything in the dating stage. It’s not a relationship yet.

It’s always ok to express feelings, feelings will allow you to communicate what you want authentically to men! And yet it’s also important to keep the following perspective in mind…

To guys, it’s a red flag when women do this…

I have heard guys say many times that it’s a red flag when a girl seems “annoyed” in her text responses if they’ve been on only a couple of dates.

What does this really mean? Personally, I would read that as: it’s a red flag to men when women come across as full of expectations for what a man “should” do in the dating stages.

These same guys have said that this red flag tells them what she’ll be like in a relationship: reactive with tons of expectations.

Also important is this: if you’ve been intimate with the guy already, it’s possible that things are now more triggering for you.

That’s understandable and relatable. But arguably, that is also our decision to become intimate before commitment. Right?

It still doesn’t make him obligated to act any differently if he doesn’t want to. That’s what is hard to understand as a woman in dating. But it’s the truth.

How to keep your power and high value as a woman

So what’s the alternative to being reactive or having a lot of expectations?

Keep it easy breezy, free of expectations and lighthearted as much as possible when you’re not committed yet.

Remember, it’s a courting stage. It should be a fun time to look back on together and to inspire him to make a deeper commitment.

Keep your boundaries of course but keep your mystery and confidence as well.

If it helps, just think back to the last guy that you weren’t sure about yet but who acted annoyed with you in the dating stage in some way, or made insecure comments. How much of a turnoff was it?

If he’s turned you off, show it by giving less of yourself in the conversations and by giving less of your time to him.

But writing him back your feelings in a paragraph or pushing to see how he feels about you is a turnoff for a lot of guys in the dating stage.

It says you’re more into him than he’s into you and puts you in the pursuer role.

Ask yourself if you would want a guy feeling like he is the one with the power, and has the one up on you when you’re dating?

Would you want him to be super relaxed (or lazy), knowing he has it in the bag with you anyway and doesn’t need to step it up?

Would you want him to know that all your eggs are in his basket, and that you’re anxiously waiting for him to make you his girlfriend?

Remember, he’s supposed to be pursuing you and winning you over.

He should be anxious and worried who else is after you! Especially if you’re so relaxed and happy and thus don’t carry this pushy sense of urgency.

If you take a look at any of the high value, masculine, alpha men who are married, you’ll see that often, their wives always seemed “too busy” to even really care or obsess about them when they were dating.

If you can see the value of being actually busy (not just “acting” busy), then you’ll realize how much choosing to be that way can help you to get the commitment that you want.

And when you’re married, you’ll look back and thank yourself for holding off on all the reactivity and low value expectations of him!

Always remember this: you’re the prize and he would be so lucky to have you.

Never forget it.

Keep your power, ladies.

How to weed out a narcissist early in dating? (Ideas & examples..)

Have you dated a narcissist before? Do you want to avoid ever dating another narcissist again?

This article will help you weed out any potential narcissists early. It will also help you evaluate men better for whether they should get your trust or not.

In your quest to not allow future narcissists into your life (in the dating stages), you need to work on keeping things about your personal life, personal. At least until there is established trust.

This is especially the case if you are particularly vulnerable to wanting to connect with anyone and everyone. It’s especially the case if you want connection with people.

The reason why it’s helpful to avoid sharing too much personal information, is so that you avoid giving any potential ammo to a narcissist.
A narcissistic man will use your information against you.

One other reason you want to avoid sharing too much personal information is that a narcissist may love bomb you big time (one of the biggest red flags in online dating) from very early on in the relationship.

Women who fall for red flags in dating such as love bombing will often (to their detriment), open up to the narcissist very quickly, sharing everything about themselves and their life.

These women are also the ones who have their same information used against them later on in the relationship. Then, they are left regretting telling them a lot of things that they did.

When you avoid giving information to narcissists, it stops them being able to prey on your insecurities and weaknesses.

I have brainstormed some ideas about what you should NOT share within the first 3 months with a new friend OR potential mate. This is so that you can avoid a potentially narcissistic or toxic man.

Here’s what to avoid sharing with a narcissist

Here’s some things you may avoid sharing with people too early on, before they have earned your trust.

• Why you are NOT close to your family.
• Your attachment style.
• Current quarrels with family or friends.
• Family life setting.
• Current political viewpoints.
• Income level.

• Never tell them u hate anything about your looks. As one lady once told me: “My sister was self conscious about her saddle bags and her narc/jerk husband always mentioned it.”

• Don’t go talking negatively about past partners or going into details about past relationships. Narcissists love this information. Don’t say anything that gives him the impression you were ever mistreated by ANYONE.

• Do not ever tell them that you’ve dealt with narcs before. This is because one thing leads to another, and they’ll know super fast about all your weaknesses. Then, they can prey on them.

In other words, you would rather give a narc the impression that all your previous relationships were “clean” and healthy.

I hope that post gives you some food for thought on how to date men to avoid getting involved with a narcissist ever again.

Now we can briefly discuss how to get rid of a narcissist when you know 100% that he is one, using the gray rock technique.

Gray Rock Technique

If you’re 1005 sure he is a narc, use the gray rock technique, so he loses interest in you. It’s much safer than making him mad.

With the grey rock technique, you make yourself an unworthy victim.
You get boring, don’t praise them, don’t feed their ego and offer them nothing, so that there’s nothing for them to obtain from you.

Essentially what the grey rock technique does is that it leads them to end up discarding you, but you win instead of losing.

Whereas, if you confront a narcissistic man, you feed your own hurt ego, but it’s not helpful. He’ll rage and possibly get revenge on you.

The Broken Record Technique

Another tactic that you can use is the Broken Record technique.

This is a technique where you know what you’re going to say to the narc, and you say only that.

This is usually one or two sentences that get your point across and that’s all they will get from you.

(As a small aside: It also works well with kids who keep asking for something after you’ve given an answer.)

Listen to your Gut Above All

Obviously, one big thing to remember is that aside from not giving away too much personal information too early, is that you want to listen to your gut.
Your gut will usually tell you the truth. It will give you the signs you need in order to avoid a narcissist.

Unfortunately, a lot of women ignore their gut’s signals. You can’t afford to do that in dating.

As much as you would love to have a boyfriend in your life and be able to proudly show him off to your family and friends who have been asking you “why are you still single?!” for years, it’s not worth the heartache.

All the best, and remember to listen to your gut above all. No one else can do that better than you can!

When men “leave”, don’t blame yourself.

A lot of women blame themselves when their relationships end.

A common concern that women have is that they have “blown” relationships in the early stages by not being high value.

This is not always true. What if you’ve just been trying to be high value with the wrong men?

What if you’ve been trying to “be high value” with a man who is “low value”?

Putting attention on your own worth detracts from what’s true of HIM

So often women have the attention on themselves and what they are doing to be “High Value”, that they cannot see the other person for who they are.

They think that IF they, as women, are the ones who do things “right”, they will be able to influence the man to do what they want him to do.

Yet in reality, men are free agent humans who have their own things going on and their own ideas about how to date and deal with women.

Many of the signs of who a man is are clear in the early dating stages.

For example, sometimes the guy lets you know directly or indirectly through conversation his approach towards women, by telling you all about his past with women.

Through conversations like this, the mentality he conducted in regards to women will reveal itself.

Each man has his own beliefs about relationships and has his own particular way of interacting with women. Although some universal truths about men will always exist.

Often, it is not the woman’s fault, it is just the normal cycle of most relationships. A lot of men come on strong, and then they leave suddenly.

It’s not your fault!

A man can be super into you for a couple of months after you meet, and then go cold for no apparent reason and break the relationship off.

At this point, since a woman often feels hurt, abandoned or even guilty, she resorts to blaming herself.

Truthfully, a lot of women have been ghosted before and the never ending questioning or self blaming can do their head in.

At some point you have to accept that the reasons he left actually have nothing to do with you.

For example, one woman I coached found out that the man who left her suddenly out of the blue, had never lived with a partner before, and he was already aged 37.

Red flag anyone?

This kind of guy may really like having no responsibility for anyone else, just being free to do whatever he wants without having to think of someone else.

What does this tell you?

For one, it gives you an indication that you didn’t really have to drive him away, it wasn’t you driving him away through lack of high value; he simply didn’t want to be in a relationship.

And that’s fine. That’s how some men are. There is no use blaming yourself, because that burden will be carried by you in future relationships, which is not a good thing.

Moving forward, remember to not blame yourself. Each party has an influence in the way a relationship turns out.

How do you get a guy to invest more?

How do you get a guy to invest more in you?

If a man appears to be “low effort”, what can you do?

You certainly can’t force a man invest more. You can only inspire.

Inspire him to spend more time with you, to invest more in you (this is a two way street), to bring out the masculine in him.

Pressuring, agendas, high expectations won’t do it. High value men are not dumb. They can tell when a woman is more into their own agendas than to connect.

And to connect emotionally, a high value woman is calm and organic in her ways. She connects because she’s genuinely interested, she’s curious and sincerely likes the guy.

It’s a common mistake of a lot of women make. They move forward to try to “get” more investment from a man, but in doing that, they forget that high value men don’t take crap from women. They don’t respond well to women with agendas. They respond well to connection.

And that is, the genuine desire of the woman to connect with him, rather than “taking” from him.

So, if you want to connect with him, send him a flirty text message in order to banter with him, perhaps. There is a method called “high value banter”.

This will allow you to connect with him playfully and without an agenda. It gets the conversation going, and it focuses on excitement rather than the agenda you have as a woman to “take” from him.

Some people would give you the advice to be more unavailable and to focus on your own juicy life, outside of him. Some would suggest that you lean back and be unavailable from time to time, in order for him to invest more in you.

I suggest that the best thing to do is to focus on connection rather than focusing on making him invest more in you. Again, this only proves you have a particular agenda, versus giving you an avenue through which you can connect to him.

If you are concerned that he isn’t investing because he’s not genuinely interested in you, then you have to look at your past communications with him and his past actions.

If you want to stay because you find the reasons given by the guy to not invest more to be convincing, or because he has proven to be high value by his past actions, then that’s a sign that connection is the path to walk in order to ‘get’ that extra investment from him.

What is a good example of “inspiring” a man to invest more in you through connection?

You show him appreciation for the things that he has already done for you. A lot of women suggest that anytime they’ve shown their boyfriend true appreciation and enthusiasm for something he has done…they get more of it!

Remember that! Focus on what he IS doing, rather than what he is NOT doing. That way, you’ll be connecting and inspiring as opposed to ‘taking’ value.

Hope that helps, best of luck in your dating life!

When Your Boyfriend Never Says “I Love You”…

Is it a bad sign if a man doesn’t say “I love you”? Why would a man not say “I love you”?

From experience, what would be the reason be for why a man would not say “I love you”?

A friend of mine has been in a relationship for years and the guy never said I love you, the most he says is “I miss you”.

Yet he shows it (his love) through his actions. Ie: helping with her expenses, being committed, making plans for the future.

Some women may find that baffling, but this friend of mine seems happy. How could that be? Is a man’s actions more important than letting a woman here “I love you”?

Here’s why a man might not have said “I love you”.

Maybe no one in his family ever said it so it’s hard for him to say it. It’s not easy for lots of people, not just guys, to say I love you.

There’s every chance that a man was probably raised in a family who didn’t say those three precious words.

Some women, not just men, never say the words “I love you” to a man, but truth be told, that man could still be the love of her life!

As long as someone makes sure that you know they love you in many other ways, the question is: “are the words really necessary?”

If someone has never heard them growing up, then they might never put much weight on the words “I love you”.

They may not appreciate the significance of the words, as they never perceived they needed to hear these words themselves!

What are the 3 words “I love you” really worth?

On the other hand, there are men and women who tell their partner or lover that they love them all the time.

However, they only say it as a way of compensating after abusing their partners. Some people specifically resort to saying the three words after they know they were emotionally or verbally abusive, and they’re losing your trust.

What are the words “I love you” worth on that scenario do you think?

Would you prefer a man who can match his words with his actions?

It’s up to every woman to decide that for herself.

If you really NEED to hear the words “I love you” from him, here’s what you can do…

It’s understandable that some women find and see love in words of affirmation.

If you are that kind of woman, then here’s something you can do.

You can ask him, in a gentle way, if he loves you.

If he says yes, ask him if he could really say it because it would mean so much to you.

Maybe try reading The 5 Love Languages. Just because he doesn’t show his love by saying it, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He just expresses it differently.

Every man is different…

See, every man is different. And every man is in a different stage of life, having been through different experiences.

Some men could perceive that the three words are very strong words for them, so they prefer to say it only at select times.

Some men have had a past where they have felt pressured to say “I love you” by ex wives or girlfriends, and so they said the words despite knowing that they didn’t REALLY think they were in love with their ex, but said the words to them anyway.

As a result, now they want to be sure that the emotion is there behind the words when they say it.

See, since these words “I love you” mean different things to different men, and hold different weight to different men, it pays to look towards their actions and to have some patience.

Look to his actions, not his words…

As long as a man is very consistent with communication and planning to see you as well as doing the things you need a man to do (ie: take care of you).

Be patient. The words will come. Everyone gets there in their own time and if he had a toxic relationship it will be harder for him to say it.

Always remember to look at his actions and how he treats you, not just the words.

Will he come back if I give him space?

Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space?

(Article By Sarah Drees.)

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at tthe time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you.


Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space.

You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back.

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space whenever he withdraws.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

What it means to give someone space

Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?”

Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

He’s really busy

He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now

He’s tired of arguing

He’s confused

He’s trying to regain control, etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are the thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?

Simple.

GIVE HIM SPACE.

Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?

YES!

He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you

or

b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you.

If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming un-gettable and the best possible version of you.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you.

If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.

So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog.

Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things.

When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group.

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period).

People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period.

Story Time….
Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.

There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?

If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.

Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work…

Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

If you want more help to get your ex back, go to this website on getting your ex back permanently.

Another Great Way to Use Leather Scraps

As you may know, my mother gave me a bag of leather scraps that she received from a friend whose son works at a place that makes leather goods. How totally exciting. I organized them neatly and began to wonder what the heck I was actually going to do with them. Eventually I got around to making some things with my recycled leather scraps.

Then fast forward to an outing with my 4 year old niece. She was working contently on her coloring book when she decided she wanted to cut out the pictures. She had a little purse full of crayons and markers (a girl after my own heart), but she didn’t have a little pair of scissors.

So, of course Aunt Cristin vowed to get her scissors.

These are also good scissors.

I really didn’t have to go far to get scissors. I have a small collection of them…okay fine, a rather extensive collection of them. I found this small orange pair that would be perfect for the Hello Kitty purse. However, not being one to have useless supplies, these scissor were a little bit sharp. And who wants to stab through their craft purse? In comes the leather scraps!

How to Make a Leather Sheath for Scissors

Step 1: Trace the closed “blades” of your scissors with a fat marker onto a piece of paper. This way, the width of the actual marker with force the marker tip to be at least 1/8″  wider than the scissors. Cut out the paper. This is your template.

Step 2: Test your template to make sure it’s a proper fit. Adjust if necessary.

Step 3: Pin your paper template to your recycled leather scraps and cut out 2.

Step 4: Sew the bottom edge of your leather – not together – just sew, like I did the zigzag at the bottom.

Step 5: Align the two pieces of leather and sew together, leaving the bottom open to insert the scissor blades.

Thank you Renee for these suggestions!

Do I Tell men Early on that I’m Looking for a Relationship?

Should I tell Men on Dating Sites that I am Looking for A Relationship EARLY?

To be successful in online dating, should a woman tell a man before they meet that she is looking for something serious? Or, should she tell him that she is looking for a committed relationship”?

Some women say that they always tell men what they are looking for (ie: looking to date for a serious relationship), and that this is the most high value thing to do.

The point of this is to establish if the man reciprocates, and can tell her in return that he wants the same thing. And if he does, that would be all good and he would be worth her time.

However, regardless of what men say they want, you have to let a man’s actions speak for themselves. Their words just never cut it.

Again, it’s never a waste of time to tell a man what you want up front, in fact, that is wise. Unless of course, you’ve already let years go by with a non committal man, and you already know that the man doesn’t want what you want.

Dating is a little different to that particular scenario, however. Dating is not a hunting ground, but a training ground.

Men online will tell a woman anything, but it’s their actions that speaks volumes. Look to their actions. To discern them, sometimes you have to be patient, but it’s worth it.

You can see the idea of telling a man up front what you are after as learning/discerning of what it is you want or don’t want.

It just gets you closer to what you’re looking for. Dating online is different.

It really is a numbers game. You have to know when to pull the plug (look at a man’s actions, set a time limit and standards for yourself), to not over invest in the wrong man.

There are no guarantees of knowing that a man will or will not waste your time. You have to find out for yourself and eliminate them quickly.

All in all, you have to put the emotional part aside and listen to what the man is telling you and observe his actions! That’s hard to do for most women, and that’s why they badly need reminders to do it!

Most women tend to attach too quickly & too early in the process of finding a partner, based on the desire of just having a partner.

But when you’re looking for the right partner through dating online, you really have to be prepared for the environment that online dating is.

You have to accept the reality of the numbers game – it’s a game of elimination.

Remember to always promise yourself that you won’t settle for less than you deserve. However, in that process you have to be ready to deal with all kinds of time wasters. You can’t just give up just because the first guy didn’t give you what you want.

The conclusion? Yes, you should tell a man early on what you are looking for. That is the whole point of it. Be honest, but don’t be pushy. Be honest, tell him, and then lean back and observe his actions.

If he turns out to be just another time waster online, then eliminate him and move forward!

Best of luck.

And check out these top 5 most common mistakes women make in online dating.

12 Common Online Dating Red Flags That Women Often Fall For

When dating online, it’s imperative to know and understand some common red flags that women often fall for.

Now, there are dating red flags, and then there are online dating red flags. Online dating red flags are more like general red flags, whilst online dating red flags can be a combination of general red flags and red flags that are very specific to online dating.

Here are the top 12 online dating red flags that women fall for online:

Red flag 1. Telling you exactly what they think “chicks dig” way too soon. When he focuses on love, exclusivity, relationship, future, babies, weddings, unicorns pooping rainbows, etc, that’s a red flags for sure.

Red flag 2. Love bombing (he’s a scammer, or a stalker)

Red flag 3. He says “I’ve deleted my profile to focus only on you” when they barely know you. (In other words, he’s a scammer, a f-boy, or a stalker)

Red flag 4. Weirdly timed messages, as in maybe he’s in a really different time zone (scammer)

Red flag 5. Men in particular work occupations. For example, pilots, oil rig workers, military, billionaire businessman, anything that is typically used for “explaining” long absences (ie: he’s a scammer)

Red flag 6. Not available on the evenings and the weekends (ie: he is married!)

Red flag 7. He claims to be of a particular ethnicity, but you check fb and all his friends and his favorite locations indicate differently (again, scammer)

Red flag 8. Outstanding arrest warrants – in the US these are public records.

Red flag 9. He just moved here, says I lost my job, or can I crash at your place?

Red flag 10. The gift sender: he wants your address and eventually your bank account number (scammer again).

Red flag 11. Never takes you to his place (he’s married)

Red flag 12. Facebook pictures from last week show him with wife or girlfriend though he claims he’s still very much single…

Here’s an example story from a reader who encountered a toxic guy online, and he exhibited some of these red flags in action.

“I had a second date with the guy tonight who I’ve been iffy about there being no emotional connection…yeah, I saw red flags for sure.

He asked for my last name out of nowhere and I politely said “I don’t release that information this early on”.

And he said “Oh.” “Well okay, sorry I asked,” in a rude tone. (So he doesn’t tolerate NO very well)

I noticed he brought up exes (not a 2nd date topic), but also that there seems to be a theme that the other person did something wrong.

So I simply brought up the observation and he said “excuse me?” I said very politely “Oh should I rephrase that?”

He said “I understand English thank you very much.”

Me: “Of course, just saying I wondered if my question was unclear and need to reword it differently.”

He says “I’ve dumped all my exes, and I don’t even like to say that.”

(Well then why say it? It’s almost bragging that you pull the trigger before everyone else.)

I had a hard time in the beginning picking up on his sarcasm because it is very dry. But when I tried to validate the ex experience he had, he said “oh yeah, lovely,” he said “Oh great so you’re going to ask me every single time if I’m being sarcastic?”

I said “I’m still getting to know you. I’m not used to a dry sense of humor.”

If I asked him about something he just said to me, he would say “I didn’t say that,” and not even acknowledge he didn’t remember correctly or validate how I heard his remark.

Then when I am able to repeat his exact comments THEN I would get some recognition. (Gaslighting)

This guy bought a $200 cameo video to send me a greeting from a former football coach before we even had a second date. This just felt too overwhelming of a “surprise” I never asked for or mentioned that coach’s name. (Love bombing)

Glad I saw this on date #2. Onward and upward!”

See how the personality traits in this guy made it obvious that there were glaring red flags? This woman did a great job of testing this man. I think every woman has something to learn from her!

That ends the 12 common online dating red flags that women often fall for. Do you have any red flags in mind? Something I may have missed? Please share them in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

My Family’s Traditional Fasnacht Kuechle Recipe

Before you go thinking that you’re getting the Frank family fasnacht kuechle recipe, I’ll let you know this comes from my Irish upbringing.

This is different to this recipe or this recipe.

There was a bit of a heritage identity crisis in my childhood. My mother, the original reduction rebel in my life, would make special cultural culinary creations that didn’t necessarily align with our nationality. Unfortunately the Irish corn beef and cabbage meal was not a crowd-pleaser amongst my four siblings and me (the neighbor kids loved it). However, on Fat Tuesday, we had no problem partaking in the fasnacht festivities. I guess it would make sense that later in life I’d find out I was part German on my dad’s side…and my real German love, my husband.

I’ll now take you back to my early childhood in the late 70’s, early 80’s when my mother would fill up the mini deep frier.  I remember sitting on the kitchen table watching over the fryer like it was a magic wishing well….

Note:  for those of you who want to make easy peasy fasnachts, there’s a shortcut for you at the end!

This also makes a great hobby for women during times of being stuck at home.

Fasnacht Recipe

If you’re not familiar with fasnachts, that is the German word for doughnut. They are much like fried dough that you can get at the fair.

As you can see these are not 4″x4″ – if only there was a ruler on my rolling pin!

5 cups of flour (*You might need more flour. Your dough should be sticky, but not too wet like batter)

1 cake of yeast

1/4 cup sugar

2 eggs

1tb salt

1tb shortening – melted

2tb butter – melted

2 cups milk – scald, then cool

Put flour in bowl, make hole in middle. Set aside. In a separate bowl, break up yeast and sprinkle 1/2 tb sugar. Let the sugar start to break down yeast. Then add 1/2 of warm milk. Mix. Pour into the hole in flour. Set aside to let yeast foam.

Add milk, eggs, salt, sugar, shortening and butter. Mix the dough. cover and set in warm place until double in bulk – about 1 hour.

Roll out, cut into 4″ squares (the best you can) and let rise for a few minutes.

Pull dough a little so it’s thinner in the middle. Deep fry 1 minute on each side. Cool and sprinkle with confectioner sugar.

If you don’t have a deep fryer, you could use a Dutch oven (that’s what I used) or even just put an inch of vegetable oil in a pan.

Now that we just went through all that, I’ll tell you that an easy substitution for this recipe would be to fry pizza dough that you can buy in the frozen food section of your grocery store. Yes, it’s not authentic, but it will still be delicious and the kids can help.

I loved sharing the experience of making fasnachts with my kids! I explained to my 8 year-old that if the milk is too hot it will kill the yeast. He proceeded to say, “I think we killed the yeast” at least ten times. He was so concerned about the yeast!

And if you’re confused why I put a fried doughnut recipe in the “Wellness” category, I consider family traditions and quality time to be a wellness value – even if it’s fattening. Enjoy! Fat Tuesday comes only once a year!

Reuse Your Cooking Oil

When you’re done, you’ll have a bunch of used cooking oil left in your pot. Because this was just used for dough, I poured mine into a recycled pickle jar and will reuse it. Here are some more tips for reusing and disposing of used cooking oil.

What special treats are a tradition in your house?

Leave me a comment and let me know!